Steve Goble

Choose life. (Deuteronomy 30:19)

For reasons beyond my ability to fathom, for the last few days I've had Abba's Voulez-Vous running through my head, only sung (well, spoken) by The Matrix's Agent Smith.

I'm sure that if the Wachowski brothers ever realise the huge potential of such a release, it will automatically be seized upon as a "gay track", purely because of Smith's macho image. For me however, the appeal would simply be one of watching Hugo Weaving showing us Agent Smith dancing about and having some fun.

"Wahlll voulez-vous, Mr Anderson.
A-ha, Mr Anderson.

Q. How does Agent Smith get his kicks?
A. From Mr Anderson.


So after I had taught them English today, some Korean friends took me out for a meal at the local Korean place Club Bobos. Upon arrival, we split up into 2 groups, each in our own room, each with our own private karaoke machine.

Alas, Abba's second most iconic milestone in music-history was not available, so the opportunity to don some shades and bring to life my idea was sadly not to be. Also, much as my second choice was to adapt one of Petula Clark's songs into a relevant expression of my feelings about the local supermarket chain Foodtown, said karaoke machine had seen that coming too and again obstinately refused. Neither would it even allow any of us to out-Shatner Shatner with a spoken-word version of The Real Slim Shady.

It's as if the karaoke machine was quietly scheming to itself "All right, you can hide in here and delude yourselves that you're a world-famous pop success like The Beatles, Queen or The Corr Sisters, but when it comes to singing established songs in the style of other performers, then no, because that's just plain silly."

What I did get away with was a frantic/spoken version of the Bee Gees' iconic Stayin' Alive. It was only then that I realised:

a. just what the lyrics actually are, and
b. just how repetitive they get in the second half. (just a bit like Agent Smith in The Matrix trilogy)

Eventually I got bored and just filled-in until the end by quoting lines from The Simpsons, such as "Monorail."

Goble's song: 10 out of 10. Deal with it.

And finally, to take us into the closing credits of today's show, here's the latest video from The Smiths. Stay awake.

"Hmmm, people everywhere
A sense of expectation hangin' in the air
Giving out a spark
Across the room your eyes are glowing in the dark
And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end
Masters of the scene
We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more
You know what I mean, Mr Anderson

Mr Anderson
Mr Anderson
No more sequels, no pay-cheques
Ain't no big decision,
This rain's blurring my vision,
La question c'est inévitable..."



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