Steve Goble

Choose life. (Deuteronomy 30:19)

Much as on our last walking weekend, it took Rich, John, Perry and myself ages to rendezvous with Bish at his house in Sussex on Friday night.

In fact, Perry and I only made it there by telephone, which for the purpose of strolling through the English countryside, was pretty rubbish.

Perry actually arrived by car the following morning, while my vaguely simultaneous train journey was fraught with dog poo, losing the map, forgetting to bring Bish's address anyway, and actually managing to call at the wrong house. And all this despite the Godsend of having accidentally asked for directions from a guy who turned out to be Bish's neighbour…

Still, once Saturday morning breakfast was inside of us (and Bish's cat?), we got the Gorse Fox's directions from the internet and took them all the way to Washington.

Washington, Sussex, that is.

This time, we all had cameras, which was a handy thing considering the multitude of paranormal phenomena that we were to stumble upon.

The mystery began when we came across the remains of a tree lying in an inexplicably mutilated position:

Clearly, no mere human could have done this.

Then Rich and John began to wonder where all the sheep had mysteriously disappeared to.

Here - apparently hiding from something in the sky.

Then suddenly, before our very eyes, the entire herd was ferociously consumed from behind by this weird form of meat(and metal)-eating plant-life.

Fleeing for our lives, we became surrounded by the flock's undead zombie sheepdogs, which the ravenous plant-creature had spat-out. Rich coolly attempted to send for help by updating his Facebook status to "is currently being prehended by an assemblage of reanimated k9s fyi tty l8r dawg :o", but unfortunately some large nearby energy-source was jamming his signal. (ofc)

Said eerily silent mutts then herded us all towards a path leading up to big bright light at the crest of the hill, or arguably just over it.

Here we confronted the aliens, at which point they demanded to know which one of us was the planet's President. We all pointed at Perry (centre) who was then able to ascertain that our captors were actually looking for Washington D C, but had got confused when planning their invasion using Google Earth. All very embarrassing, especially their genetic engineering experiments that we'd encountered earlier. Consequently they kindly agreed to take this photo on Bish's camera of us all posing in front of their very bright spaceship.

Having kindly treated us to a quick orbit of the planet to say sorry, here are Bish, John and Rich waving the ship goodbye, and realising that we'd been erroneously dropped off on the wrong hemisphere, specifically in east Auckland. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has trouble finding an address. (heavy irony)

Well, that's another mystery solved. Let's go home.

Deleted Scenes:

The crater left by the alien saucer.

Rich is assimilated by the Borg. (shouldn't have worn that red shirt)

Excised yeti scene.

With thanks to Bish and John for some of the photos.

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