Steve Goble

Choose life. (Deuteronomy 30:19)

What if they sacked the cast of Star Wars and replaced them all with kids?

Many would argue that this has already happened. You know the movies to which I am referring.

The motion I am proposing today however, is that this had also happened in the Star Wars books.

At about 1am this morning, thanks to, (see also here) I finished reading "Star Wars: Young Jedi Knights - Shards Of Alderaan" by Kevin J Anderson and Rebecca Moesta.

And it pretty well starts like this:

(music please)

Star Wars Babies, we make our dreams come true
Star Wars Babies may the force be with you
(Baby Luke)When your homeworld looks kind of weird and you wish that you weren't there
(Baby Ben)Just close your eyes and use the force, and you can be anywhere
(Junior Moff Tarkin)(in baby-socks)I like horror
(Baby Leia)I like romance
(Yoda Bear)(in spotty bow-tie)Aaaa I love great jokes
(Baby Binks)Jar Jar dance!


(Baby C3PO)Why I'm a computer
(Baby Fett)I'm differently-lit
(Jabba the pup)I don't like salt
(Baby Leia)I look like a whale in this outfit.
(Young Zurg)Me, I invent things
(Baby Artoo)Breep, Breep, zort, fweeeeeeeeeeeb!
(Baby C3PO)Look Artoo - it's a little you!

(Auntie Skywalker)(seen from the waist down wearing green striped socks)Is everyone alright in here?
(Babies) Yeees, Auntie!

Star Wars Babies, eat-up all our baby-food
Star Wars Babies will use the force for good

Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars
Babies, Babies, Babies, Babies
Your dreams will come true

Tag-line: (Baby Han) You other babies are all like family to me.

Alright, so it actually starts with "To Marina Fitch and Mark Budz - colleagues, fellow dreamers, and friends", but I think my above piece is a fair extrapolation.

Basically Star Wars: Young Jedi Knights is a successful series of novels chronicling the adventures of Han and Leia's children - Jacen and Jaina - as they train to become Jedis at Luke Skywalker's Academy. Maybe I should have gone for a Tiny Toons angle above...

I have almost every episode of Doctor Who, Star Trek, VR5, Dark Skies and The HitchHiker's Guide To The Galaxy on tape, but when it comes to Star Wars, I've never even seen Empire.

Yup, you read that right. For me it was the original 1977 movie, The Star Wars Holiday Special, and that was it. (I never saw E.T. either)(or Lord Of The Rings)

It's not that I have anything against George Lucas' work (I liked THX 1147), I'm simply waiting for him to finish them all first.

What's that you say? He has? Shyeah right, dream on. Lucas won't have finished making Star Wars until he's dead, and even then he'll probably leave instructions for someone to CGI his body and programme it to keep issuing an infinite number of re-editing orders. Forever.

Anyway, I liked Star Wars and I liked this book too.

It was a pretty good one to come in on. The story was sub-Voyager in it's simplicity, and several of the characters, including Jaina, I really never got a handle on. Jacen, Raynar and Zekk were interesting, and Em-Teedee was obviously C3PO with a different name. Just to rub it in, they have actually named Chewie's nephew "Lowbacca"!

Boba Fett obviously wears that helmet out of shame though, at what an embarrassingly poor bounty-hunter he is. The following sentence is a spoiler, so skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to read it. He's outsmarted by a group of kids who only succeed by being rescued. Honestly, I reckon he hides a copy of Bounty Hunting For Dummies somewhere about that armour of his.

The high point would have to be seeing Luke, Han and the others in their brief cameo appearances. What a shame they were all in their Holiday Special personas.

In fact, if I'm completely honest, I enjoyed this book really because, like The Holiday Special, I enjoyed forgiving it. I know it's aimed at teens, but so were the many Target Doctor Who books, and those stories were rather fuller, and more inventive.


Finally, I'm actually going to end by quoting the very end of the book. Look away now if you don't want to know the scores.

Leia raised a cup of juri juice. "To family," she said.

Han lifted his cup to touch hers. "And to appreciating what we've got - while we've got it."

"To family," echoed Jacen, Jaina, Anakin, Tenel Ka, and two enthusiastic Wookies.

Happy Life-Day everyone!


2 comment(s):

At 6:57 am, Blogger KlownKrusty said...

Quote "(I liked THX 1147)"

I've seen the earlier Lucas film, THX 1138, which was quite good. But, I hear the series took a down turn around THX 1143 or 44, so I stopped looking for them in the shops.

However, THoliday SpecialX 1138 is worth tracking down on pirate video (Lucas would never officially release THAT pantomime. Eurgh!)

At 5:42 pm, Blogger Steve Goble said...

May the farce be with you.


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