Escape From New York (1981)

This is a film.

I say that because this 99 minutes has no delusions of being anything else.

There's no pretence of genius, no profound allegory to sagely nod at, and definitely no attempt to elicit any sort of emotional response.

The crazy premise - that all of New York is now one gigantic unchecked prison - is given with a voice-over (remember those?) at the start, after which the entire upcoming plot is explained to an eyepatched character called 'Snake'.

He's a good guy turned bad, and therefore an obvious choice for the US government to send in to rescue their lost president. Despite all his special forces training, Snake's default activity seems to be waltzing around in open spaces, announcing to anyone within earshot exactly what he's secretly up to.

Maybe he misjudges the size of those spaces. He does only have the one eye.

Along the way, he meets another man called 'Brain' (Egad!), a comedy cab driver, and a woman whose sole contribution to the story is to have a cleavage. No attempt is made to make us care about any of these rogues, not even Snake, so events transpire with a real clarity.

I hear they're in talks to remake this. No doubt that'll mean that new Snake will be out to rescue his child, aided by a modern tough-talking woman who steals his heart, plenty of violins on the soundtrack, and some sort of deep metaphor for Iraq. In 3-D. (sorry Snake)

Maybe they should have called this original version Escape From Hollywood.

Available here.

Superman 80-Page Giant #1

80 pages seems like a strange length for a comicbook.

I mean if you're going to publish an extended compilation of short stories about a particular character, and make such a big point about the page-count, then why not pick a rounder number like 100?

Sorry, first impressions and all that.

These are seven short Super-anecdotes, bound-together by the man of steel doing his thing in partial secrecy each time.

Cold
Writer: Mike Raicht
Artist: Charles Paul Wilson III
Colorist: Brian Buccellato
Letterer: Travis Lanham
Editor: Sean Ryan
Cover: Aaron Lopresti & Brad Anderson
Superman created by: Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster

As a kid, Clark accidentally melts a frozen Smallville river, causing one of his friends to almost drown.

Lois Lane & Clark Kent in Patience-Centered Care
Writers: Kathryn Immonen & Tonči Zonjić
Letterer: Travis Lanham
Editor: Will Moss

Lois catches a cold, while Clark catches her piano.

Got Bugs?
Writer: Ben McCool
Artist: Matt Camp
Colorist: Nei Ruffino
Letterer: Travis Lanham

Alien bug swarm in the Daily Planet's basement.

Why Metropolis?
Writer: Pat McCallum
Penciller: Mike Shoyket
Inker: Rich Perrotta
Colorist: Hi-Fi Design
Letterer: Travis Lanham
Editor: Brian Cunningham

Road (sky?) movie quartet about four crooks and their respective defeats in Star City, Central City, Gotham City and Metropolis by Green Arrow, the Flash, Batman and Superman. I accidentally skipped the title-page, thinking it was an advert.

Superman Is My Co-Pilot
Writer: Jason Hall
Penciller: Julian Lopez
Inker / Colorist: Bit
Letterer: Travis Lanham
Editor: Sean Ryan

Superman accidentally helps an agoraphobic... and consequently endangers his life.

Five minutes
Writer: Rik Hoskin
Penciller: RB Silva
Inker: Alexandre Palamaro
Colorist: Javier Tartaglia
Letterer: Travis Lanham
Editor: Sean Ryan

Lois keeps Clark waiting, so Superman kills time by helping people.

On Break
Writer: Sean Ryan
Artist: Clayton Henry
Colorist: Brian Reber
Letterer: Sal Cipriano
Assistant Editor: Wil Moss
Editor: Matt Idelson

Five (well, six really) perspectives on Superman's long punch-up with Bizarro. Title page is at the end, after an advert, and consequently looks like another advert.

Case One: Death Of The Rogues
Writer: Geoff Johns
Art: Francis Manapul
Colorist: Brian Buccellato
Letterer: Nick J Napolitano
Associate Editor: Adam Schlagman
Editor: Eddie Berganza

Well okay, just a five (well, six really) page 'sneak' (huh?) preview of the upcoming Flash #1.

With thanks to Herschel.

Available here.

Doctor Who - season 31 review

Whatever other numerical value the BBC may be labelling this season with, the last thirteen episodes seem to consider themselves to be number 31, with references to the first 30 years legion.

Matt Smith declares himself to be the 'eleventh' Doctor. William Hartnell's face made it in four times! And as for the alliance of the Doctor's enemies in The Pandorica Opens…

River: "Terrileptil, Slitheen, Chelonian, Nestene, Drahvin, Sycorax, Haemogovlin, Zygon, Atraxi, Draconian - they're all here.. for the Pandorica!"

I tell you, that fancy-dress crowd looked like either a Halloween party, or a Batman reunion.

The unfolding story-arc about the crack in the universe has enabled the show to feel much more like a serial for a change, although the nature of that threat does seem to have mutated throughout.

Initially I wondered whether this was simply a reluctance on the part of Head Writer Steven Moffat to rewrite the other authors' work, given that he doesn't seem to have done that before. However he himself penned both the opening and closing tales this season, which don't seem to agree with each other.

The Doctor's initial declaration in The Eleventh Hour that there were two universes that were never supposed to meet doesn't seem consistent with the TARDIS' blowing up in The Big Bang. Neither does the presence of the Atraxi prison. When Rory is wiped from history in Cold Blood, the light-rays from the crack appear to actually be organic, slowly entwining themselves around him.

But hey, it's science fiction. Explosions of organic light are allowed.

Speaking of the new head writer, I guess the success or failure of Doctor Who's latest relaunch will ultimately fall upon his shoulders, and I've found it curious to perceive both a clearing-out of the last five years, and also a repeat of them.

Initially everything was new - we had a new Doctor, a new companion, new TARDIS interior, new TARDIS exterior, new credits, new directors and even new Daleks.

I see that even the production codes have returned to '1' again. Given the change in staff, it's a surprise that the BBC didn't make this season over two years simultaneously with the 2009 specials, and come out with a full-length 26-part series like the Americans do, or at least a 22-part one.

Yet despite all this refreshment, the season's structure has been identical to the last four. Nearly all Earth-related stories, opening with one in present-day England, then one in Earth's future, then one in Earth's past, then a visit home for the companion, then an extra companion for a few weeks in the middle, and the return of a revamped villain from the old days. Oh, and of course the unexpected return of the Daleks in episode twelve.

Other planets? Maybe they should have destroyed the rest of the universe in the first episode instead, and then set the whole series on the Earth that has no stars...

Overall though, I've found the general standard of the scripts this year to be better. Every series since the show's revival has contained several stinkers, but this one only has two, specifically The Eleventh Hour, which had plenty of good ideas in a weak plot, and The Vampires Of Venice which, sorry to say, I thought failed on every front.

My favourite story? Well, apart from its title, I found Richard Curtis' Vincent And The Doctor to be just perfect. This was a simple tale that held together, and really had heart. It was fun, exciting and funny, and each of the four cast-members really shone.

Hard to believe it was directed by the same guy as The Vampires Of Venice!

Sad to say though, that the direction is the one area which I feel this series has been most disabled by. Doctor Who has suffered for years with mediocre direction - Graeme Harper and James Strong being exceptions - but this series I'm afraid I feel that there has been no-one who stood out.

Throughout the series, the dialogue has been recorded off-mic, which has really robbed the actors of conveying much presence. Graeme Harper used to ADR the actors' speech as a matter of course, I'm surprised that he hasn't been kept on.

Many directors seem to have simply shot the actors' performance and trusted that the camera would get it, which is all well and good, but jokes are getting mis-delivered, the characters sound some distance away, and less has been done to pause and accentuate what is going on their minds.

Eg. In The Big Bang, when River challenges the stone Dalek to check her record in its database, it almost immediately cries "MER-CY!" I think there should have been more of a beat before this line, to give the Dalek a moment to realise who she was. That's just one example.

Adam Smith has provided some awesome visuals.

It’s a huge mercy that the previously intrusive incidental music has been much quieter this series, and that there has been less of it. Composer Murray Gold has at last come up with the goods for this season, with less being more, and some terrific themes. He still needs to leave the comedy alone though - music just distracts from the joke.

That said, there have been three cliffhangers this season, all of which really needed to be boosted by some louder music. Really, those cliffhangers were just wimpy, and quiet.

Tragically, this has also been the series of the missing scene, the worst case of which came in the last story, when we didn't even see the Police Box TARDIS blow-up, let alone the stars go out. Come on - that's the TARDIS blowing-up and destroying the universe there!

Despite these shortcomings, this year's concentration on the regular characters have kept my interest. Amy Pond is great, except for whenever she encounters a man, when she suddenly turns predatory.

Poor Rory on the other hand has no identity of his own, being present only to be in love with Amy, despite her only having friendship for him. That relationship gets a bit fuzzier in the last episode when they marry, but not much, with Rory's "Goodbye" clearly aimed at the Doctor, and indeed the camera ignoring him as they take off.

The acting throughout has been excellent. Karen Gillan established an almost immediate double-act with Matt Smith, and this has lifted the sense of fun in almost every episode.

Which brings me, at last, to Matt Smith!

After his debut, I got asked by several people what I thought of him, and despite sharing the odd observation, I pretty well always said that I needed to see the rest of the series before answering. I also didn't want to say anything negative because the challenge of having to take-over from the universally-loved David Tennant was something that he needed every support in.

So here it is, here's what I think of Matt Smith as the Doctor:

He's okay.

I'm not certain quite what it is that he's doing with the character, but whatever it is, he's batting a good average. He's definitely an introvert, and that's a very brave thing to play a lead character as, because you're paradoxically hiding it all the while.

He also seems to bring something different to the role every story. For example in The Lodger he was a weirdo. Towards the end of The Big Bang, he became a very old man.

His finest hour seemed to be in The Time Of Angels / Flesh And Stone when I think he had his best material to work with.

Which brings me back to that story's author Steven Moffat.

Five years ago in Doctor Who Magazine #350 he was quoted as saying this:

"I kind of think you should crack a script in your first draft - there's only a draft and a polish on every episode of Coupling. So I'm always late, but at least you could take the submitted script down to the studio and make it. Other writers prefer to hand in something more approximate and get feedback, but I like to get it cracked on the first draft and polish. Sometimes, of course, people disagree with me that I have cracked it on the first draft…"

I find it extremely hard to believe that his last four scripts this season were merely a 'draft and polish'! Flesh And Stone particularly appeared to have been brainstormed and combed repeatedly, with Amy encountering so many escalating permutations of threat from the Angels.

All the same, that feedback thing could avert a multitude of plot-holes…

Overall, despite its faults, I tentatively think that the show is in safe hands again. The brilliant stuff outweighs the bad, and it's wonderful to see Doctor Who being clever again, if not always that clever.

Steven Moffat still has a bundle of great ideas and good dialogue up his sleeve, and obviously finds time-travel to be a mine of inspiration. He's left some things hanging, but for the first time I believe that the series actually will "explain later".

Moffat remains the author who I'd most like to see writing season 32, and Matt Smith obviously the actor who I'd like to see playing the lead!

Good luck guys, and thanks for a fun series!

Individual reviews:

The Eleventh Hour
Meanwhile In The TARDIS part #1 of 2
The Beast Below
Victory Of The Daleks
The Time Of Angels / Flesh And Stone
Meanwhile In The TARDIS part #2 of 2
The Vampires Of Venice
Amy's Choice
The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood
Vincent And The Doctor
The Lodger
City Of The Daleks
Blood Of The Cybermen
TARDIS
Shadows Of The Vashta Nerada
Return To Earth
Evacuation Earth
2010 Trailer
The Pandorica Opens / The Big Bang
Monster Files: Weeping Angels
Monster Files: Vampires
Monster Files: Homo Reptilia

Doctor Who: The Pandorica Opens / The Big Bang

"Okay kid, this is where it gets complicated."

So I've just watched the final episode of season 31, and I'm in a bit of a daze.

Did I enjoy it? Yes!

Was it any good? I'm actually not sure.

Was it as complicated as Amy made out in the quote above? Yes, it was. No, wait, no it wasn't. Well, both I guess.

The individual actions of our four heroes were certainly complex, particularly in the first half of episode two. However the story's backbone - that the TARDIS' destruction both destroyed the universe and also created it - was probably the fuzziest plot-development in the show's history.

I think that this story is best-understood when examined in the light of the tenth Doctor's oft-quoted line from Blink:

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... timey wimey... stuff."

What that wibbly-wobbliness really turns out to mean in this story, is that cause and effect don't follow through strictly.

Which, now that the same author who is credited with writing that soundbite has been let loose on the series as a whole, makes one absolutely ginormous parachute when it comes to plotting.

Initially, the 'strict progression of cause to effect' in this story is a thing to behold.

In 1890, Vincent van Gogh from Vincent And The Doctor paints a premonition of the TARDIS' destruction. In 1941, Winston Churchill and Bracewell from Victory Of The Daleks find the painting and phone the Doctor to warn him. Their call gets routed through to 5145, where River Song, at a point in her life prior to The Time Of Angels / Flesh And Stone, breaks out from prison. She then steals the canvas from Queen Elizabeth X, some time after the events of The Beast Below.

Generally, this appears to be strict cause and effect, although we could debate about Vincent's new found psychic abilities, or indeed whether he spent his entire life hearing the message that is later revealed to have been sent across all time-zones from 102 AD.

I guess the first hint of real wibbly-wobbliness would be whether Queen Elizabeth X actually lives for 2,000 years. Hey - in a thousand years' time, why shouldn't she?

I've often criticised the show on this blog for featuring events that, after they have happened, do not remain in a state of having happened. For example, the countless number of times that Earth's population have been turned into zombies, only to forget it afterwards, along with all the video of it.

However from where I sit, the state of the Doctor Who universe tonight is this:

When an event takes place in this show, it remains happened, but only to a certain extent. Not completely, and not not at all.

In 102 AD, an alliance of the Doctor's enemies (though they may as well be any old single villain) ensnares him in a trap, which has been devised out of Amy's residual memories from today. (literally today - 26th June 2010)

Consequently, this fabricated scenario includes a version of Rory, who has not only been reconstructed from Amy's memories but also, it's implied, from a photo of him that Amy keeps in her bedroom.

Huge plot-holes there. How can this version of Rory recall events (such as his death) that had not happened to Amy by the last time that she was at her house in Flesh And Stone?

Furthermore, Rory was wiped from history in Cold Blood, which is why 'our' Amy now has no memory of him. Therefore he cannot have been reconstructed from memories that Amy's earlier self could not have had either. Also, if they have now never met, then there certainly can’t be a whacking great photo of him in her bedroom!

However, earlier on in this first episode, the Doctor comes out with the following gentle speech:

"People fall out of the world sometimes, but they-they always leave traces. Little things we can't quite account for. Faces in photographs, luggage, half-eaten meals… rings. Nothing is ever forgotten, not completely, and, if something can be remembered… it… can come back."

It can be argued that this, and the quote from Blink further above, are the support and axis on which this story operates.

Rory died, but he comes back because he is remembered. The Doctor dies, but he comes back when he is remembered. The universe gets destroyed, but it comes back because it is remembered, albeit in a different way.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't memories infamous for misremembering things?

To be more direct, I suppose that I really have two problems with this story:

1. That the exploding TARDIS can handily be used to reconstruct the universe too.

2. That there is now no real threat from any action in any other Doctor Who story, because affecting history matters little if someone can simply remember the alternative hard enough.

However, if those are the very broad rules that the series is being written within now, then that's okay by me, so long as they don't break them. In fact, I don't think it's even possible to break rules like those. Any possible contradiction in any story can now be allowed in the light of how this one operates. After all, if the crack really did run right through the universe, then everyone across time and space has been as exposed to it as Amy.

Is the version of the Doctor that we now have constructed only out of Amy's (and maybe River's?) incomplete knowledge of him? Ah, doesn't matter though, because all those other facets of his character and history can just slip through anyway, like the photos, half-eaten meals and lost luggage etc.

Why lock Amy in the Pandorica for 2,000 years instead of just bringing Amelia back to 102 AD from 1996?

When the Doctor gets trapped outside the repairing universe, why does he rewind through Amy's life instead of his own?

When he leaves through the crack in Amy's bedroom wall, what happens to him with Prisoner Zero in the Atraxi prison?

Rory now possesses a memory spanning 2,000 years of life-experiences. Somehow he now seems even less well-matched to 22-year-old Amy than before. (she was asleep for her 2,000 years)

That's all on that subject. In the past I've often rewatched Steven Moffat's work and found lines that catch potential holes, so I'm sure there's more than I picked up on.

Onto more positive impressions, and top marks in this story must go to the first half of episode two. This features the Doctor effortlessly nipping back and forth in time to interact with his friends, and himself, in any order but the chronological one. The eleventh Doctor has a real glee to way he does this, and even admits to a slight addiction to the device that he's using to achieve it.

This is the Doctor as I think I've always wanted to see him realised. He's exploiting his fluency in time-travel, and really earning his status as a 'Time Lord'. When he loses his sonic screwdriver, he nips back 2,000 years to get someone to stow it for him. When he's incarcerated, he arranges for his rescue after he has been rescued. When he sees his future self die, he turns it into a lie. (still not quite sure how he actually survived getting exterminated though)

Wonderful stuff, let's see more of this ingenuity, but hopefully better directed next time. Some of his dematerialisations were not clearly shown, making his appearances in the past look more like flashbacks. (which one could argue they were)

Worst weakness in the direction though would have to be the cliffhanger in which the TARDIS blew up and the universe began to end. What a cataclysmic cliffhanger! What a shame I was only sure what was meant to be taking place there after episode two had begun. It's not as if we'd seen the Police Box blow up or the stars actually going out. It seemed to me that those events were still going to happen, and therefore still avoidable.

There are also still plenty of questions left unanswered at the end of this season finale.

Back in The Eleventh Hour, how did Prisoner Zero, and indeed the Atraxi, escape through the crack in Amy's wall? And indeed what were they doing behind there?

What is the universe that unintentionally touches this one?

Who took-over the TARDIS and blew it up, and why?

Why does Ledworth have a duckpond with no ducks?

In fact, there are so many of them, that surely we must be returning to them at some point in the future…

Enron (play)

There was a warning. And its name was Enron.


Right from the opening scene, it's a foregone conclusion how this modern-day tragedy is going to end.

And you don't even need to know the real-life story to see it.

As soon as someone explains how the titular company is now valuing employees in terms of expected success, the actual future immediately looks quite shaky, which either disproves the philosophy, or proves it.

Over two hours and ten minutes, the final decade of Enron's trading unfolds like a cross between a darkly sinister conspiracy theory, and an episode of The Simpsons.

On the conspiracy theory side, events are broken up throughout by TV news footage of the day, taking us from Bill Clinton's entry into the Whitehouse in 1993, right up to 911, with Enron's share price progressively escalating on read-out screens around the theatre. (occasionally in advance of the corresponding development on stage) The scene in which the principle characters are hanging on the famously ambiguous outcome of the 2000 Bush / Gore election is milked for all it's worth.

Then on The Simpsons side... well, you know how every so often on The Simpsons they all go and visit the theatre? And it's always to see some all-singing, all-dancing variety show that's based on some dry mundane boring subject that no-one in their right mind would ever base a musical around?

Well, this is just such an all-singing, all-dancing variety show, about a famous American gas and oil company going bankrupt. Either director Rupert Goold has never watched those episodes of the yellow family, or he has, and is intentionally parodying them. I think it's the latter.

Despite the American accents, the whole cast performs this well, particularly those doubling as the hungry dinosaurs who symbolise the company's growing debt. It's a real shame that these creatures never got to fight any of the characters who were wielding light-sabres.

For me, one of the play's downsides would have to be the poor mixing of the musical numbers, the lyrics to which were consistently drowned out by the music. Also the irrelevant sex and profanity content. I counted the F word getting used over 50 times, which seriously upped the production's air of pretentiousness, perhaps intentionally.

The play's central question though - about just how much of our decisions and beliefs are based upon projections - is certainly one that resonates with me. Just how many times on this blog have I banged on about the theory of evolution, or the infinite size of space?

Enron makes for a colourful, fun evening with some genius business conjuring to keep the whole thing facinating.

But don't take my word for it. This page might just be hype.

Official site and trailer here.

(with thanks to Alistair)

Five Years Of Catching-Up

Hello, how are you?

Perhaps that should read How have you been? since, for the past five years, everything that I've written on this blog has been about how I had been, some time before I clicked on the "PUBLISH POST" button to tell you.

Even the next fourteen paragraphs are all going to be about what I have been doing, for the past half-decade.

The last post before this one to have been published on the same day that it actually happened was on 17th June 2005.

My life in New Zealand was getting a bit busy then, what with the work offer from CBA, a new flat to move into with a stranger called Dave, and a visit to the UK looming, so it's understandable that these updates got a week or two behind.

However, it was the two-part post about catching a bus to the Excel Christian School Of Performing Arts on 23rd June 2005 that sat as the top item on here for several months, and no doubt convinced some that I had left the blogosphere for good.

The thing was, in London the following month (July 2005), I found myself tapping away at an update in the library, only to suddenly stop and wonder what I was doing.

Time with family and friends in London was at a bit of premium, so why was I choosing to instead spend it communicating with my everyday friends back in New Zealand?

So I stopped. In fact, every time that I returned to the UK I stopped blogging, and often took a while to get started again once I had returned to New Zealand. The result was a blog that was, at one stage, ten months behind.

Well, I actually quite liked writing, so at some point that I now can't find, I actually typed that I would get this blog bang up to date once more.

Hence, the time-warp that this site has been in for the last five years.

But you know what? Blogging retrospectively has actually turned out to have a few advantages over contemporary posts. I mean sure, it does lose that sense of immediacy, but that delay also creates some room for objectivity. I've lost count of the number of times that I've written an entry, only to ultimately decide against publishing it, because it just wasn't funny enough, or worth it.

Also, it's given me time to edit and polish more. Since I now prefer editing to writing, I'm definitely going to miss that.

The reason why it has taken me just over five years to catch up though, is because of the discipline that I've found in blogging.

Generally speaking, all I'm trying to do here is simply keep a list of all the experiences that I have been blessed to enjoy in life.

Here in the UK, my Sundays have had a lot more leisure options to choose from, so my weekday posts have included many more reviews of movies, comics, books and CDs from my day off. Sometimes I've experienced those things specifically to blog about them, through which I've identified a certain streak of rule-governed behaviour. (which is something I consider unhealthy)

Still, although I've found weekday blogging to take much longer than the Sunday activities that I've been writing about, I am pleased to have remained busy, and cleared-out a lot of my long-term todo lists.

There are now hardly any films about which I can say "I must watch that one day." Likewise my comic collection. And I think Doctor Who is about to finish this Saturday.

I do have a few books to go, but I'm such a slow reader, and I only listen to CDs occasionally.

So, for the first time in five years, just what have I done today?

Well, obviously I logged-on this afternoon with the intention of writing this post.

However, I kid you not, literally just as I was opening up Word, the screen went blank, and the computer's fan fell silent.

Yes, this corner of London chose that exact moment at which to suffer a power-cut.

As it coincided with today's World Cup England match against Slovenia, Herschel reckons it was orchestrated by ITV, to improve England's chances of scoring.

Sure enough, in the 23rd minute, Jermain Defoe took us to a 1-0 victory securing our place in the next round.

To those of you reading this on 23rd June 2010, yup, you just read some news and a topical joke on here.

More as it happens.


Fig. 1: In Howick in April 2006, looking forward to catching-up in four-and-a-bit years' time.

PS. Would you believe, just as I clicked on "PUBLISH POST" at exactly 9pm this evening, Blogger flashed up a message saying that that date and time hadn't happened yet, and so it would embargo this post to publish it in the future! Have I caught up or what?! :)

The Complete Superman Collection - Diamond Anniversary Edition

"The best and only Superman collection a fan should own!" - Animato!

Well, I can hardly argue with a cover-quote like that!

These are the legendary 17 Superman cartoons made in the 1940s by Fleisher and Famous Studios, although rest assured that nowhere in here will you find an inanimate object sporting a cheery grin and swaying in time to music.

Running at about eight minutes apiece, each of these productions is a triumph of animation. They all, without exception, look gorgeous, a fact only magnified by the wonderful orchestral music throughout. There's a real urgency to these fast, pacey shorts, and yet they pack so much in that it's often hard to believe that they weren't longer.

The scripts? The voice direction? Well, they do their job. Most of the dialogue is minimal, a fact we can be grateful for because, as I mentioned above, the animation really is this collection's strong point. Most of the stories hold together pretty well, there are some great inventive design ideas, and the rapidly changing cast wouldn't likely have noticed much at the cinema. Overall, aside from the WW2-related ones, these haven't really dated much.

Where I would take the above quote to task though, is in the packaging of this collection. The DVD menus only offer three cartoons per screen, which together with a swooping 'S' logo make trekking through to the episode you want quite laborious. Even when you do get there, there's then a whole "This looks like a job for Superman" soundbite to wait through. (I don't like DVD menu-screens in general) This is a shame, as this episodic series really isn't the sort of collection that I would want to watch all-through in one sitting, as indeed I haven't.

These films certainly haven't been restored for this release either, suffering both neg and print damage, without any apparent attempt made to even swap-in cleaner frames from alternate copies of the opening credits.


Worst of all is the unfathomable decision to superimpose the original release date over the start of each episode! Ooh, that idea sure wasn't thought-up by someone who appreciated these collector's items. In short, this is sadly not the release to buy if you're a fan.

All the same, the strength of the source material overcomes all of this, and there isn't a single episode on here that I wasn't enthralled by.

Did I mention that the beautiful design and fine animation is second to none? Okay then, I'll stop gushing and get straight onto the episode guide...

#1
Superman
(released 26th September 1941)

The opening narration fills us in on this incarnation of Superman's origin. It excises Ma and Pa Kent and explains, with a black-and-white line drawing, that he grew up in an orphanage, and became a newspaper reporter because of what a useful position it puts him in.

A "mad scientist" is committing 911-ish destruction to the city with a giant "Electrothanasia-Ray" from his tower. (bit of a giveaway as to his hideout’s location if you ask me) Sent to investigate by their Managing Editor, Lois successfully avoids Clark to pursue the story on her own, despite the danger. The balding scientist has a bird on his shoulder that, in typical Fleisher style, displays various human mannerisms throughout this, which is particularly creepy when it frowns.


Lois gets captured, just before the scientist destroys one of the city's fine-looking bridges - specifically the famous Tower Bridge. Clark says "This looks like a job for Superman" before stripping off and changing in silhouette behind the stock room door, responsibly turning the light off when he finishes.

Though initially overcome by the ray, Superman redoubles his efforts and fights back.


Balding scientist who looks not entirely dissimilar to Victor Meldrew: "I don't believe it! He isn't human!" (maybe he should take another look at his pet)

Superman destroys the machine, saves Lois and puts the scientist behind bars, although the malevolent-looking bird escapes.

Back at the Daily Planet…

Managing Editor: "Congratulations Lois! That was a great scoop!"

Lois: "Yes Chief - thanks to Superman."

Clark grins at the audience and winks.

#2
The Mechanical Monsters
(released 28th Novermber 1941)

A mad inventor with a moustache has created an army of robots who can transform into aeroplanes. When one of them breaks into the museum where Lois and Clark are covering a story about jewellery, Clark bravely stands his ground, but Lois drags him to safety, before she stows away inside the robot's hold. After phoning the story in, Clark says "This looks like a job for Superman" before returning to the same phone box to strip off and change in silhouette.

"Empowered with x-ray vision" for one episode only, Clark fails extract Lois from the robot while it's in flight, and forgets that he can fly too, as he is overcome by its manoeuvres and falls into some power cables. Redoubling his efforts, he's then overcome by the whole robot army, but redoubles his efforts again, captures the inventor, and even saves Lois from being lowered into a boiling vat of acid. (these scientists)

Back at the Daily Planet…

Clark: "That's a wonderful story, Lois."

Lois: "Thanks Clark, but I owe it all - to Superman."

#3
Billion Dollar Limited
(released 9th January 1942)

Four villains hijack a train carrying a billion dollars in gold bullion and Lois. Clark says "This looks like a job for Superman" before changing behind some boxes, with his enormous shadow projected onto the side of a Daily Planet van. The villains blow up one of the city's fine-looking railway bridges, but Superman still saves Lois. Overcome by tear gas, Superman redoubles his efforts and drags the train all the way to its destination.

Back at the Daily Planet…

Clark: "Uncanny how Superman turns up just when you need him!"

Lois: "I didn't even get a chance to thank him."

Clark smiles at the audience.

#4
The Arctic Giant
(released 27th February 1942)

Best yet!


In true Danger Mouse style, the opening narration tells us that a tyrannosaurus has been found frozen in ice and, tastefully, put on display "in this country."

Then some clever professor realises that, if the ice block melts, then the monster might still be alive.

Daily Planet City Editor Perry White: "Lois, there's a new angle on that frozen monster story. Get over to the museum and see what's doing. They've got him in a special refrigerator."

In silhouette behind a door, Lois puts on her gloves and hat, before leaving Clark behind because he'd probably faint if he saw the monster, because he scares so easily.

Clark: (out loud to audience while visibly slacking off) "Maybe she's right, but Superman hasn't fainted yet!"

Next… do I really need to finish this sentence?

Straight afterwards, while everyone else runs outside or prepares to shoot the monster, Lois runs back into the museum to phone-in the story, getting trapped in rubble. The monster then destroys one of the city's fine-looking railway bridges.

Over at the Daily Planet, Clark says "This looks like a job for Superman" before stripping off and changing in silhouette behind another door, and posing for a moment, before leaping across town to save Lois. (he chooses jumping over flying in this one) The monster then destroys another of the city's fine-looking bridges, before eating Lois for taking his photo. Superman saves her a second time, and the monster ends its days humanely chained-up in the park zoo.


Back at the Daily Planet, Lois is putting on make-up and showing off her legs, while Clark is getting a bit sarky…

Clark: "You showed plenty of courage getting that monster story, Lois."

Lois: "Thanks, but where were you?"

Clark: (mugging at the camera) "Me? Ohh, I must have fainted!"

#5
The Bulleteers
(released 27th March 1942)

Three villains have built a battering-aeroplane shaped like a giant bullet, which they use to knock-out the city's power, which among other things freezes one of its fine-looking movable bridges.

Lois drives off abandoning Clark, who remarks "This looks like a job for Superman" before changing in silhouette in a phone box. Lois gets trapped under rubble, so Superman saves her. Then Superman gets trapped under rubble, so Lois climbs over the top of him and gets captured. Redoubling his efforts, Superman saves Lois and defeats the bulleteers.

Outside the Daily Planet, Clark walks with Lois on his arm as they admire her story on the paper's front cover.

Clark: "Nice going, Lois! Another great scoop for you!"

Lois: "It is easy, thanks - to Superman!"

#6
The Magnetic Telescope
(released 24th April 1942)

Cops cause a mad scientist with glasses, thick eyebrows and a bald head to accidentally bring the comet Vulcan careering down towards the city. Despite the danger, Lois remains in the scientist's crumbling headquarters to phone the Daily Planet's City Editor, and scream in terror down the line at him. This is the first episode in which Clark does not change in silhouette, instead making do with the back of a cab.

Superman rescues Lois, but discovers that he is not super-powered enough to divert a crash-landing comet, nor prevent its debris from destroying one of the city's fine-looking bridges. Redoubling his efforts, Superman instead uses his powers to fix the machine that attracted the body in the first place, so that Lois can switch it into 'reverse' mode.

In the dark, Lois thinks she sees Superman enter.

Lois: "Oh, Superman! You were wonderful!"

Clark: (chuckles) "You were pretty wonderful yourself!"

(Clark turns the light on)

Lois: (taking her hands off of Clark's chest) "Oh. How did you get here?"

Clark: (still chuckling) "Thanks to - Superman!"

#7
Electric Earthquake
(released 15th May 1942)

I can see a pattern emerging here.

Another mad scientist - this time an American-Indian one - has built an earthquake machine that threatens the city. Perry White labels him a crank, so Lois investigates the story anyway despite the danger and gets captured. The scientist causes an earthquake which destroys, among other things, one of the city's fine-looking bridges.

Clark says "This looks like a job for Superman" before stripping-off and changing while masked by falling rubble.


Then Supes gets overcome by the odds and, in a particularly Fleisher moment, one of the cables actually seems to come to life and tries to strangle our hero. (no smiling face on it though)

Then he redoubles his efforts, rescues Lois, and eventually wins.

On a boat passing Manhattan Island, Lois and Clark reflect on their recent adventure.

Clark: "Y'know Lois, the old island looks just as good as ever."

Lois: "That's right Clark - thanks to Superman."

#8
Volcano
(released 10th July 1942)

No villains in this, so we open with narration again, (with dirt on the lens) but this time the disaster is the erupting volcano of Monokoa.

In a scene apparently set before the final shot of the last episode, Perry White sends Lois and Clark (seemingly awaiting their cue at the start) off on a boat to investigate the mount, demanding "I want you to send me some real stories!" (I guess the last seven submissions have been a bit mundane) Then he apparently admonishes Clark "For Pete's sake, see if you two can work together for a change!"

Clark: "Right, Chief!"

He also pointedly gives them two press passes.

However, Lois steals Clark's press pass before voluntarily following the story into danger and getting trapped.

Oh yeah, and the volcano's erupting.


Clark says "This looks like a job for Superman" before stripping-off and changing in silhouette in the local Police Station. Then Supes gets overcome by the odds, rescues Lois, redoubles his efforts and fixes the machine that blows-up the opposite side of the volcano to divert the lava flow.

On the boat back home, Lois is typing-up the story when Clark enters.

Clark: "How's the story coming, Lois?"

Lois: "Oh, fine, Clark! Too bad you weren't in on it."

Clark: (finding his press pass poking out of her handbag) "Maybe I would've been, if I hadn't lost my pass."

Despite both neg and print tram-lines, the animation on this one still looks gorgeous.

#9
Terror On The Midway
(released 28th August 1942)

Terrible picture quality.


Perry White sends Lois and Clark to the circus, where a giant gorilla escapes. Lois voluntarily follows the story into danger and gets trapped. Clark says "This is a job for Superman", strips-off to change in silhouette in a tent, and immediately gets mauled by a panther.

Though initially overcome by the animals, Supes redoubles his efforts, rescues Lois, and either smothers the fire in his cape off-camera, or leaves the big top to burn down. (I didn't really get that ending)

Back at the Daily Planet, Lois is typing-up her story, while Clark fools about with a camera.

Clark: "Lucky Lois always gets her story."

Lois: (finishing it) "And luckily she lived to write it."

Clark: (taking photo of her) "Thanks to… Superman?"

The opportunity to animate a brightly coloured circus gives Fleisher the opportunity to look like a Fleisher cartoon again.


#10
Japoteurs
(released 18th Spetember 1942)

Lois and Clark have been sent to cover the test flight of a new bomber aeroplane, which Lois stows-away on. Having taken off by taxiing past the same town six times (Fleisher must have been running out of budget), it gets hijacked by Japs hiding in the missiles, who plan to fly it to Tokyo.

Back on the ground Clark says "This looks like a job for Superman" before stripping-off and changing in silhouette in a lift. Supes boards the plane but is overcome by the Jap's threatening to kill Lois, so he leaves.

Redoubling his efforts he returns, rescues Lois, gets held-up by a locked door and lands the plane in his hands in a street. Then in the epilogue, Clark and Lois go for a ride on another aeroplane… at the fun fair!

Clark: "Well, you're safe in this plane, Lois."

Lois: "I'd feel much safer if Superman were here."

Ha, ha!

#11
Showdown
(released 16th October 1942)


Lois and Clark are sent by the kid from Mad Magazine (who sounds suspiciously like Bugs Bunny, with as many teeth) to cover the opera.

Here, Lois has a tussle with a pickpocket who is cunningly disguised as a doppelganger Superman. (I guess he figures he's less likely to get spotted in that costume) Clark says "Well - my double's in for some trouble" before stripping-off and changing in the theatre's roof-stairwell.

Supes flies the villain back to his boss' place where he confronts them both, but is overcome by a trapdoor. Redoubling his efforts he climbs back up the shaft (I guess he'd banged his head and forgotten he could fly) and then quickly flies-off (d'oh!) to save Lois and the police from a head-on collision with the villains' car.

Back at the Daily Planet, Lois returns to find Clark asleep in a chair.

Lois: "Boy, have I got a story! What's the matter, Bright Eyes, the opera get you down?"

Clark: "Well, just been dreaming I was Superman."

Lois: "Hmm - fine Superman you'd make."

Clark: "Well, I can dream can't I?"

They're improvising now, aren't they?

#12
Eleventh Hour
(released 20th November 1942)

Lois and Clark have been sent to Yokohama, Japan to cover a saboteur who's cunningly disguised as a doppelganger Superman. Well, that's the best explanation I can come up with. After wrecking one of the Japanese army's boats, Superman's double heads for the two adjoining rooms where the real Superman and Lois have been interned, and changes back into Clark Kent, with both a silhouette on the wall and his back to the camera.

Gasp - what's happened to the real Superman? No, wait, that is our Superman.

Sorry, I forgot, it's 1942. Apparently sabotaging the Japs was the right thing to do in those days. They should really put-up some topical headlines on the start, like they do before the reruns of Drop The Dead Donkey. Come on - they use Daily Planet headlines almost every episode as it is!

SIRENS BLARE

Lois: "Oh Clark? Are you awake?"

Clark: "I'll say! Who could sleep through a racket like this?"

Lois: "It's been going on every night since we've been interned. What do you suppose it could be?"

Clark: "Could be… sabotage, I hope!"

Lois: "Me too! But who? Clark! Do you suppose…?"

Clark: "Yes Lois?"

Lois: "Oh, nothing. Just a silly hunch that maybe… Superman might be over here."

She knows, doesn't she?

Well, the Japs seem to. In English, they plot through their Japanese teeth to kidnap "the American girl reporter" and hold her hostage, pending the cessation of hostilities. Most bewilderingly, they hold her in the same town. What - is there a war on or something?

Supes has obliviously continued with his attacks, including having blown up one of Yokohama's fine-looking bridges, but is ultimately overcome by a lot of falling girders, which bury him.

As Lois is bravely marched blindfold before a firing squad, the man of steel learns of her fate, redoubles his efforts and, chancing upon her location, saves her. (whew!) Then the soldiers, upon seeing their bullets bounce off of him, ingeniously suppose that hitting him with their gun-barrels might work better.

On a boat heading home, Lois is surrounded by pink-skinned reporters.

Reporter #1: "Miss Lane!"

Reporter #2: "This way, please!"

Reporter #3: "How does it feel to be home?"

Reporter #4: "Smile please!"

Reporter #5: "Ahh, how about Clark Kent? Did he get away?"

Lois: (distantly) "No. No he's still over there. But don't worry - Superman promised to look after him."

To his triumphant theme music, at eleven o'clock every night Superman continues blowing-up Japan. That'll teach them to replace all their clock-chimes with gongs.

#13
Destruction Inc.
(released Christmas Day 1942)


The kid from Mad Magazine is back!


Oh sure, he has a few more teeth now and a slightly different face, but what do we care about such details?

Talking to camera, he tells us his name(s):

Mad kid: "Lois?! Me name is Louis, not Lois! Geef whizz, everybody interpolates me name wrong. It's Louis! L-O-U-I-S - Lois. Err, ah, Louise. (hic) Er - Lucy! Now I'm so mixed-up, I don't know who I am!"

Given the newspaper industry's reputation for mis-spelling names, no good can come of this.

Having listened to the high street radio, Lois and Clark each go undercover at the Metropolis Munitions Works, to investigate the death of its elderly watchman. Clark lands the job as the new watchman, but to do so dresses up as an old guy so that Lois won't recognise him.

When Lois gets captured, bound, gagged and encased in the body of a test torpedo (bad day or what), Clark is overcome by some falling junk. Redoubling his efforts, he strips off and changes under the pile before saving Lois and bringing the perpetrators to justice.

At the end, Clark re-approaches Lois in his disguise, but she's not as galactically stupid as he looks…

Lois: "Well Pop, Superman put an end to their little act, aaand (whips off his disguise) this puts an end to yours, Clark Kent!"


#14
The Mummy Strikes
(released 19th February 1943)

Pretending that he is off to visit his medical doctor, Clark goes to visit archaeologist Dr. Wilson in a replica tomb at the Egyptian museum. Still developing her ability to tell when he is lying, Lois sneaks along too.

Unaware that the cartoon is less than eight minutes long, Dr. Wilson bravely invests a whopping three of them on a monologue narrating the backstory of the mummified King Tush - complete with maps and heiroglyphics - and proves that the falsely accused Jane Hogan is innocent of murder. (he also sounds a lot like the guy who'd accused her just two scenes earlier)

Just then Clark accidentally restores Tush's mummies to life (zoiks!), just in time for them to capture Lois (D'OH!).


Thrown into a mummy-casket, Clark uses the coffin to change into Superman Hong Kong Phooey-style. Bursting out, he is overcome by falling rocks from the replica tomb. Redoubling his efforts, he escapes and rescues both Lois and Dr. Wilson from a fire that has started, before once more burying the undead under falling masonry.

Back at the Daily Planet, Clark finishes typing-up the story as Lois' hands are still bandaged from the struggle. Clark has his own medical issue though, apparently sporting a new voice?

Clark: "Jane… Hogan… set… free. Hah-ha! This one time I've scooped you, Lois!"

Lois: "Yes, lucky for you I was hurt."

Clark: "Incidentally, who told you I was at the museum?"

Lois: (ruefully) "My mummy dun tole me."

Despite the title, no mummies refuse to work during this episode, unless this is the version of Lois from Superman Returns.

On a technical level, this is a muddy print that contains jump-cuts and seems to be out-of sync. At one point a phone keeps ringing after it's been answered. At another Clark says "Lois!", but we only hear it after his mouth has finished moving.

The audio source seems to keep changing too.

#15
Jungle Drums
(released 26th March 1943)

Over the jungle, Lois' plane is shot down by the Germans, or is it the Russians? I can never tell the difference, it doesn't matter anyway.

Either way, the evil fiends are also controlling the restless natives by masquerading as some sort of god.

Lois is captured and, having lost the papers containing the whereabouts of the American naval convoy, is burned at the stake. Clark flies (in a plane) over the area and parachutes down to strip off in silhouette and change into his suit. And then into Superman.

Bursting through the flames, he rescues Lois, but is overcome by some shell-fire. Redoubling his efforts, he escapes and defeats the villains, while Lois bravely changes into her secret identity as an evil Nazi to comandeer their radio to warn the Yanks. Just as the Nazis are about to fire upon the American navy convoy, the US Air Force bomb the evil subs to a watery grave! Hoo-rah!


Back at the Fürher's secret hideout, in the middle of a thunderstorm, Adolf Hitler finishes listening to the radio news in English in disgust.

News: "The war department goes on to say that during this action an entire fleet of Axis submarines was destroyed by American dive-bombers, affording the troop ships a safe crossing."

Hitler snaps off the radio in disgust, as the closing music triumphs:

"For the mighty mission,
Praise the LORD,
And pass the ammunition,
And we'll allll, beeeee, freeeeeee!"

#16
The Underground World
(released 18th June 1943)

Sent by the Daily Planet's ventriloquist editor Mr. White to report on some underground caves, Lois and her caver guide Henderson get captured (so between scenes), bound, and lowered towards a bubbling pool of fat.

Clark says "This is a job for Superman" before stripping off and changing in silhouette behind a boulder. Though initially overcome by the birdmen, he redoubles his efforts before saving Lois and Henderson, and blowing-up the savages.

This story seems to feature new voices for Clark, Lois and Mr. White, skips the fairly pivotal scene in which Lois and Henderson discover the savages and are captured by them, and then shows the whole tribe dancing below a statue of Henderson's father, which is never explained.

Most literally incredible moment however is the ending:

Back at the Daily Planet, Mr. White declines to print the story.

Mr. White: "It's really a great story Lois, but no-one would ever believe it."

At this, Lois and Clark understandably gape as Mr. White proceeds to set fire to and burn her story!


#17
Secret Agent
(released 30th July 1943)

It's the final episode, and the only instalment to not feature Lois. I'm assuming that she walked-out of the Daily Planet at the callous way in which her work was treated at the end of the last one.

Sent by the Daily Planet to cover a consumers meeting, via a phone call which even conveys the sound of Mr. White putting the receiver down at the end, Clark is shocked when a car careers through the window of the drugstore he is phoning from.

There's a chase in progress, with gunshots and everything. Hanging onto the back of the villains' car, Clark dupes them into taking him prisoner, and eavesdrops on their plans.

Though no-one ever mentions it, the head bad guy is clearly Adolf Hitler, or at least models himself on him:


He even has the German accent, and later, actual German dialogue! But that's nothing. The secret agent who his men were chasing, and who has been on Adolf's trail for six months now, is blatantly…


Lois!

Oh sure, no-one ever comments upon the likeness, but I guess in the world of Superman, where even Clark's spectacles form an effective disguise, the simple dying of one's hair will work miracles too. I mean she even sounds the same as Lois. Well, Lois' last voice.

Anyway, the blonde secret agent has an exhaustive list of the "biggest and most ruthless gang of saboteurs in the country", which she has to get to Washington, to stop "their diabolical plans of destruction".

Sure enough, on the way she gets trapped in some machinery, and lies there facing imminent death within the next two seconds for absolutely ages.

The bad guys drag Clark's supposedly unconscious body into a room, where he strips off and changes in silhouette behind a window, before trapping the Nazis in the lift. He then heads out to rescue the girl (presumably flying really quickly around the Earth to turn back time - that's the only way I can reconcile it), but is unable to preserve another of the city's fine-looking bridges.

He then flies the girl and her top secret info all the way to the Whitehouse in Washington DC, where he drops her off. Then as he flies past the ol' stars and stripes American flag, he salutes.

End credits.

Yup, the final episode features no scene back at the Daily Planet, so I have decided to do the responsible thing and make one up.

Back in Mr. White's office at the Daily Planet, Clark uses his x-ray and microscopic vision to surreptitiously scrutinise the secret agent's hair, discovering tiny traces of black hair dye! Gasps - she's actually Lois!

Clark: "But you are nothing like her! Do you mean to tell me, Lois, that all this time you've actually been a blonde uncover secret agent fighting the Nazis, and all those cases we've been on for the past six months were actually part of a complex covert piece of espionage to bring down Adolf Hitler and his dispicable Nazi regime?"

Mr. White: "I was in on it too. That's why I pretended to burn her story last week, so that her secret identity as 'Lois Lane' could legitimately quit and leave the city for Washington."

Lois: "It just goes to prove what a terrible reporter you are, Clark. There was the biggest news story in the world happening right under your nose, for 17 whole weeks, and you missed it. I can't believe you were so galactically stupid as to be fooled by a subtle thing like my dyed hair. Yes, I'm actually a crime fighter with a mild-mannered secret identity as a reporter for the Daily Planet, not that you could ever understand what that's like."

Clark: "Will you marry me?"

Well, I feel thoroughly inspired here, so even though that was the last episode ever made, what say we just keep on going anyway?

#18
End Of The Line
(not released 19th June 2010)

Everyone has new voices again, including the narrator Steve Allen.

With the Mayor having decided not to waste public funds on building any more bridges, trams have become the dominant form of transport in the city. This is bad news, because the super-intelligent bird from episode one has built a special "electromagnetic automotive". This is a tram with a giant electromagnet on the front, which can bend the metal tramlines up ahead and redirect them through the walls of Metropolis' major shops and boutiques.



Meanwhile, the Daily Planet's Executive Managing Editor Perry White fires Clark for missing so many stories that have happened right in front of him, and calling him 'Chief' all the time. Consequently, 'Lois' takes pity on him and offers to buy him a doughnut at the coffee shop in the city's funky Lassiters complex.

As they munch their pastries, Lois turns down Clark's earlier marriage-proposal, gently pointing-out that, as a top secret crime fighter, she really needs someone more heroic like herself. However, before Clark can even remove his spectacles, two metal rails smash through the window... as the electromagnetic tram strikes!

In the ensuing chaos, Lois says that she will go phone the story in, and arranges for Clark to bring the car around to pick her up from outside the next-door supermarket.

However, unemployed Clark's attention-span is intially overcome by an ad in the shattered shop window for someone to man the café's soup-counter. Turning the light off with his laser-vision, he declares "This looks like a job for Soup-Man" and strips off in silhouette in front of the broken shop-window to reveal a white apron. Redoubling his efforts, he grabs some ketchup and tries to smear an 'S' symbol onto it.

While Supes is distracted, Lois voluntarily follows the story back into danger, however the evil bird captures her and ties her to the rails in the tram's reverse exit-path.

The bird then flies off down the road, destroys the last of the city's fine-looking bridges, and then flutters back again.

Supes is waiting for him however, and captures the evil bird by luring it over with a medium quiche and a hot dog. Just then the cops arrive, and Superman hands the felon over to the US justice system, before helping himself to a Supersnack. (actually a crumbly biscotto)


Inspector Miller: "Ehhhhhh, heh-gee, Superman, let's unmask him and find out who he really is."

They unmask the bird and gasp.

Superman: "It’s old man Hitler who runs Europe like it's an amusement park!"

Hitler: "Acht! Und I'd have gotten avay viz it too, if it hadn't been for your medium quiche - and that 'dog!"

Superman: (still munching) "Quickly Louis, I mean Lyle, I mean Paul - take our photograph!

'Paul': "Oh my Stalin's Reiches!"

Daily Planet headline spins toward the screen: "Super Man Eats Fragile Biscuit - Ex-Beak Is Atrocious" Sub-heading: "Hit'N'Run Victim's Organ Donation Fails To Revive Rosanna".

We zoom-out to see Perry White framing the cover on his office wall, as an anxious Clark and Paul look on.

Clark: "… and then we used the villains' own tram to race straight back here at top speed, Chief."


Perry White: "Great Caesar's petfood, Kent, you've finally nailed an exclusive of your own! I guess that now I've printed this story, I've got tah hire ya back again to cover this new lead over at Paramount Pictures. We're a reporter down anyway since Lois vanished. Say Clark! Isn't she meant to be marrying you in this scene?"

Clark: (despondently) "No, no she was always far more interested in someone else…"


Paul: "Geef whizzer, crikey, golly, jeepers beezers, Mr. Kent, don't feel so blue, think of all the topper sparky dandy games you can have with your time now that you're a free agent again!"

Clark: "Yeees, I suppose…" (ruefully impersonates Lois) "… 'thankths, to Thoo-per-man', doy."

Camera pans back from the Daily Planet skyscraper.

Perry White: (V/O) "Oh, there's just one more thing, Kent!"

Clark: (V/O) "Yes Chief?"

Perry White: (V/O) "DON'T call me CHIEF!"

Clark: (V/O) "Okay Chief."

Perry White: (V/O) (groans) "OKAY, as of now I am officially trademarking the name 'Chief'… so that I can dock your pay every time you say it!!!"

Clark: (V/O) (thoughtfully) "Hmm, trademarking your name, ehh?"

Caption: "THE SUPER-BEGINNING®?"

(Sample episode on YouTube here)

Fantastic Four #313-317 / Fantastic Four Annual #21, Fantastic Four #318-319: Secret Wars 3

The Tunnels Of The Mole Man! / The Scenic Route! / No Way Out! / Cold Storage! / Last Kiss / Crystal Blue Persuasion! / Pin-Up Section! / Crystal / The High Evolutionary: Chapter Five! - Silver And Crimson / Beyond The Pale! / Secret Wars 3
Story: Steve Englehart, Edward L Norton (Annual), Mark Gruenwald (Annual)
Artist: Sal Buscema (#313)
Pencils: Keith Pollard (#314-319), Ron Lim (Annual)
Breakdowns: Kieron Dwyer (Annual), Jackson Guice (Annual)
Finishes: Joe Sinnott (#313-316, 318-319, Annual), Romeo Tanghal (#317), Jose Marzan (Annual)
Inks: Tony DeZuniga (Annual)
Letters: Workman (#313-319), Ken Lopez (Annual), Joe Albelo (Annual)
Colors: George Roussos (#313-315, 317-319), Glynis Oliver (#316), Gregory Wright (Annual)
Editor: Ralph Macchio
Chief: Tom DeFalco

After Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars and Secret Wars II, there is, sadly, no such thing as Secret Wars III.

However Fantastic Four #319 does contain a strip entitled "Secret Wars 3"!

It's the final chapter of a sprawling 8-issue epic, which had begun innocently enough with the Mole Man, Belasco and Master Pandemonium each encountering the new FF for an episode apiece.

Yes, the new FF, thanks to the excellent re-imagining of the Fantastic Four that defines this brief era. Crystal, Johnny, Ben and Sharon make quite a different dynamic to the classic line-up, but they function effectively as a team in a different sort of way. They come across more as equals, which is perhaps no surprise given that with Ms. Marvel they effectively have two Things on the team!

Steve Englehart's freestyle plotting gives little away as to where this tale will lead next, with lengthy flashbacks and teleportation warps wherever the narrative requires them. He seems to know where he's going while also leisurely making up the journey as he goes along, which is not a bad thing if you care about it.

And Englehart appears to positively enjoy caring about it.

AIM Agent: "Our attack at the South Pole* was to divert you while I used the teleporter! You were too close to finding it, and thus, the Nuwali!

We found it six years ago, and the ideas we've gained from the Nuwalis' museum have been of enormous benefit to us!

So I was sent ahead of you, to hide on your ship and make sure you died if you got past the Ice-Droids!"

Footnote box: *Last ish -- Polar Ralf.

Ahh, those footnote-boxes and their endless references to other comics. I don't know if it's down to Englehart's writing, Ralph Macchio's editing, or both, but this holistic space opera seems bent on eventually drawing the entire Marvel Universe into it, like some kind of giant comicbook sun.

Here is a list of all the back-references to be found in just these eight issues:

Fantastic Four #313
Marvel Two-In-One #53-58
The Avengers #236
Fantastic Four #312
Fantastic Four #296
The Incredible Hulk #243
Fantastic Four #296 (again)
Fantastic Four #308
Fantastic Four #308 (again)

Fantastic Four #314
Fantastic Four #296 (yet again)
Fantastic Four #313
Fantastic Four #313 (again)
Ka-Zar The Savage series
Magik mini-series
West Coast Avengers #6
West Coast Avengers #15
Strange Tales #14
Marvel Premiere / Doctor Strange #10

Fantastic Four #315
West Coast Avengers #15 (again)
West Coast Avengers #15 (again)
West Coast Avengers #6 (again)
Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars mini-series
The Thing #22
Comet Man #5

Fantastic Four #316
Fantastic Four #315
Fantastic Four #315 (again)
Fantastic Four #313-315 (yet again)
Captain America #331
Comet Man #1
Ka-Zar The Savage #34
Eternals volume 1 #2
Fantastic Four #315 (YET again)
Fear #20-26
The Avengers #257

Fantastic Four #317
Fantastic Four #316
Fantastic Four #316 (again)
Marvel Two-In-One #63
Fantastic Four #316 (yet again)
Comet Man series
Fantastic Four #314 (again)
Ka-Zar The Savage #34 (again)
Fantastic Four #51

Fantastic Four Annual #21
Fantastic Four #317-318
Fantastic Four #313 (YET again)
Fantastic Four #308 (yet again)
West Coast Avengers #36
The Vision / Scarlet Witch mini-series
Fantastic Four #13
Fantastic Four #240
X-Factor Annual #3
Punisher Annual #1
Silver Surfer Annual #1
The New Mutants Annual #4
The Amazing Spider-Man Annual #22
Fantastic Four #306
The Honeymooners TV series (seriously)
Fantastic Four #318 (again)
West Coast Avengers #36 (again)

Fantastic Four #318
Fantastic Four #312 (again)
Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #10 (again)
Fantastic Four #290

(whoa - what happened that month?!)

Fantastic Four #319
Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars mini-series (again)
Secret Wars II #9
Fantastic Four #318
Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #10 (yet again)
Silver Surfer #16
Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #10 (YET again)
Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #12
Fantastic Four #260
Fantastic Four #288
Fantastic Four #278
Fantastic Four #137
Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #3
Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #1 (he actually means The Thing #10)
Secret Wars II #9 (again)
Fantastic Four #20

As you can tell by the hyperlinks to my own reviews of some of said issues, I thoroughly approve!

The annual, nestling in-between issues #317 and #318, is even more entrenched in continuity, featuring no less than three strips, with a gallery of ten non-canon pin-ups of the main characters in the middle. While striking her pose, Sue even comments to the reader on recent submissions to the letters page!

The final portrait has been autographed by Crystal, with the ironic handwritten message "It's great to be back with the Fantastic Four! I'll never leave again!" Heh heh, she'd actually just resigned ten pages earlier.

This departure enables the second strip - simply entitled Crystal - to follow her character alone. The third strip bears less apparent connection to the others, being chapter five of that summer's cross-annual High Evolutionary series.

At 64 pages, it's no wonder that this publication even has lettering on its spine!

Anyhow, having never read these comics before, I didn't know which issues were the relevant ones for the Secret Wars 3 component, but I now reckon that I only really needed to read the last two - #318-319.

These guest-star fellow Secret Wars castmembers the Molecule Man, Volcana and Doctor Doom, as they join the Fantastic Four, err, Three, on a journey into the Negative Zone in search of… the Beyonder!


Yup, the one from beyond still knows how to make an entrance!

Steve Englehart never got the chance to participate in the humongous Secret Wars II 23-title crossover, so it's reasonable to see Fantastic Four #319 as his chance to finally contribute to it.

Since that series, despite having grown-up again, the Beyonder seems to have been stewing in his own juices over in his very own realm, and has regressed back to the destructive persona that he had in Secret Wars II #8.

This is a bit of a shame. He'd previously spent much of that 42-part odyssey as quite a nice guy. Left to exercise his omnipotent power unchecked over just one universe though… well.


So, at long last Marvel have admitted what we all knew all along - that the Beyonder is basically supposed to be God.

I always thought that one of the inherent flaws in the original two Secret Wars series was that the supposedly all-powerful and omniscient Beyonder kept on demonstrating more and more limitations, particularly in his ability to understand things in detail.

Englehart has clearly had a few thoughts on this subject too, as well as the whole time-travelling Doctor Doom retcon from Fantastic Four #288, so here he sets out to resolve these matters once and for all.

That's all bad news for the one from beyond though. As the Beyonder learns of his true origins, along with it he has to take a very deep breath and recognise that he is not who he previously thought he was.

Well, it must be pretty gutting for the most powerful being in the multiverse to get attacked by entities who are even more powerful than he is, and to then have to acquiesce to consider their absurd claims to have created him.

All the awe and wonder that had previously been conjured up by the Beyonder character's original concept of simply being able to do anything, has to be let go of when reading this issue. I felt disappointed as I turned these pages. In a good way.

The Beyonder goes down. Whoa.

I guess the real-life parallel would be having to let go of a deeply-held worldview, such as who your parents are or a religious belief, and accept that someone else actually does know better than you.

It takes a lot of character to do that, which demonstrates I think just how well-realised the Beyonder has become, at the hands of so many great writers.