Any Day Now...

Flatmate Dave and I were over at Phil's the other night - projecting my New Zealand photos onto Phil's wall as a slideshow.

So we got to the above one of me at the deserted train station at Matamata (where the Hobbiton set from Lord Of The Rings is) and I said my usual piece about how, despite the tracks, and millions of tourists, there haven't been any trains there for years.

I was forgetting that Dave, of course, is a train enthusiast.

"Oh yes there have," he blurted out. "There was one last year."

Doctor Who: Children In Need Special 2005

"A telethon? I remember those!"

Flatmate Dave’s interest was piqued. We were about to watch the next episode of Doctor Who, which happened to be a special 7 minute long episode that had been made exclusively for the BBC’s annual Children In Need telethon in the UK. I was quite pleased – were it not for the VHS that I’d been posted from England, Flatmate Dave would never have seen this. (unless he’d watched it on the internet)



Terry Wogan's introduction - nice bit of continuity with the original series - he introduced The Five Doctors in 1983 don'tchaknow.

After a budget-saving recap and opening credits, the episode turned-out to a real cheapie, featuring only the 2 regulars and set entirely inside the TARDIS.

While this may sound like what you would expect of a special telethon show, it was something of a comedown from Doctor Who’s last Children In Need episode 10 years ago in 1993, which had featured pretty well every Doctor and companion ever, plus the cast of EastEnders, in 3-D.

Rose doesn't believe that the new Doctor is is the same guy - GOOD. At last the writers have considered events from an individual character’s perspective instead of from the viewers’.

Rose now remembers that Captain Jack is alive - BAD. Once more Rose and the Doctor speak of events that they can only know from having watched the show on the telly. “He’s got plenty to do rebuilding the Earth!” In fact, this was a decision that even we didn’t get to see, as last episode they walked straight from the dead Daleks into the TARDIS without even looking for their doomed friend Jack. Who's alone. On a space-station full of corpses. Incredibly, this episode's only 7 minutes long and already it's contradicted what just happened a moment earlier.

The new Doctor says he has a mole on his back. Okay, I bet the first time they find an excuse to get him to remove his shirt in the series, it won't be there.

The Doctor goes a bit mad - GOOD. The thing that really surprised me was that Tennant was so much better than Ecclestone. I really liked this brief encounter with this Doctor. Of course, he may only be this mad post-regeneration, but it shows promise.

Rose: "Can you change back?"

Doctor: "No."

Yeah, I think he could have done, immediately afterwards, just long enough for him to reassure Rose of the newcomer's identity.

In fact, why stop there? It's a telethon sketch! He could have snapped briefly back into a few of the old actors – that’s the sort of thing telethon sketches do. Davison, Baker, McCoy, McGann, Jayston, whoever’s available. Ecclestone could give one last moan to reassure Rose, and then we're back to Tennant again, leaving us to still wait until Christmas to find out what this new Doctor’s like.

Hey - Romana did it.

Doctor Who: Bad Wolf / The Parting Of The Ways

The final two editions of the first new Doctor Who series contain all of this remake's weakest elements. Dang.

Part One: Bad Wolf

The start of this silly penultimate episode was very good. For some reason, Flatmate Dave thought the recap on the start was a preview, so as usual he muted the sound while I looked away. This was a tremendous benefit to the opening. The Doctor had amnesia. He didn't know where or when he was, or how he had got there... and neither did I! That made it quite claustrophobic and sinister. He was trapped in a house. As he looks back and forth between the huge furniture, his housemates, and the door to the diary-room, the hilarious truth dawns – yes, he’s locked in the Big Brother house!

As well as making me laugh, this was also brilliantly sinister. He was imprisoned in an apparently innocent-looking house, with no idea what was waiting for him outside (or even what time-period he was in), no idea whether he could trust his companions, and forced to play a mind-game with his unseen environment-controlling captors in order to escape. And he didn't even remember who he was. This was a great, promising, fun start to a story that sadly never was.

Meanwhile Rose finds herself standing in a semi-circle with 8 other people answering questions on general knowledge, and voting the other contestants off.

Again, it just sort of gradually dawns on you that she’s a contestant on The Weakest Link, and indeed it’s mined for all the comedy potential that’s there. The set, the music, the camera-angles – everything was perfect! It was just like watching the real show. I even found myself rooting for contestants. It's just a shame they’d gone and downgraded the picture to look like more like a drama, and less like a gameshow.

Meanwhile Captain Jack, who so far has served no purpose in any of his episodes, wakes up in What Not To Wear, and as usual his scenes appear to have been grafted into the script at a very late stage. He neither learns anything for us, nor progresses the story. Even the joke of his being in a TV show has already been done twice by the Doctor and Rose. As if to further highlight his misplacement, he then gets stripped of his clothes and delivers a few nude jokes.

In fact, they’re all prisoners of a TV station in the year 200,100AD. No-one notices that this station is making shows from 198,100 years ago though. Neither does anyone notice that their robot presenters both look and sound ancient even by today’s standards. (2 hours earlier I was in a car listening to a far superior-sounding GPS tracking system) Maybe these were some sort of “retro” versions.

I must say though that it was refreshing that they unashamedly went for shows that actually exist, instead of renaming them People House and Who's The Weakest? or something. I've long maintained that The Weakest Link's overly-dramatic synth music is extremely Doctor Who-ish anyway, so to hear it actually getting used on the soundtrack of a real Doctor Who episode was great, or maybe it just seemed like a throwback to the 80s.

Anyway, the stakes are higher in the future - contestants who lose now get instantly disintegrated. Who wants to see people die so quickly? Not much understanding of what fuels ratings there.

Rose loses the head-to-head round and gets killed, until the disintegrator-ray is revealed to actually be a teleporter. At the end of the episode she wakes up again to find she has in fact been transported onto a Dalek saucer, which nicely retained the same sound-effect as in the original series. Unnicely they have still not got back any of the orignal actors to perform their voices, again preferring to use spin-off actor Nicholas Briggs. I’m sure there’s a good reason.

Fortunately Rose is not in any danger from the Daleks, because she learnt a few weeks ago that she can defeat them just by touching them. Unfortunately for Rose, she doesn’t remember this, and neither does the Doctor.

Next week? I anticipate a completely unneccesary "sacrifice" to save Rose by the Doctor, and an appearance by Davros, played by Nicholas Briggs.

Part Two: The Parting Of The Ways

For a change, the TARDIS flies through space. Literally. Getting shot at. Oh alright, I'll accept that that's somehow a better, safer way of transporting to the Dalek ship than by the usual method.

After their triumphant return from the dead, the Daleks' cold logical threat is significantly lessened by their now being only mad fools.

They think the Emporer Dalek is God, and that the Doctor will recognise this, so they're really not very clever any more. With no cleverness of course there’s no real threat, and these Daleks, as we shall see, are quite unbelievably stupid. (mind you, so are all the other characters in this series)

The Emporer Dalek by the way, is played by Nicholas Briggs, (close enough?) and must surely have been written as Davros, you know their creator, the one who gave them life, the oldest member of their race.

Finally Captain Jack gets something to do – fighting the Daleks to slow them down.

The Doctor sends Rose off in the pre-programmed TARDIS for her safety. This was quite a touching scene, something this series does much better than any previous one.

As she lands, a recording of the Doctor tells Rose to go and lead a good life, and that the TARDIS must never fall into anyone's hands, so…leave it on the street corner??? Until it gets…what did he say? Buried???

Despite the Doctor's assertion to the contrary, he's never made any promise to take care of Rose.

Mickey hears the TARDIS' engine from… how far away? Handy he was there at the time.

Most stupid thing the Daleks have ever done: Sending their entire fleet in in one go. I ask you.

Swarms of Daleks descend on the Earth of the future. On the space-station, Lynda reels off the Daleks' destruction of entire continents, which we see destroyed on her scanner screen. Fortunately, there is a simple, tried and tested solution to this disaster. Let's just forget this ever happened, Marge. I'm serious. Let’s just leave the Earth that way.

Simultaneously, the Daleks also invade the space-station – why not just blast that to bits too? You know – like they just did Earth’s continents? Jack has the answer:

"We've now got a forcefield so they can't blast us out of the sky, but that doesn't stop the Daleks from physically invading."

It's not much of a forcefield, is it?

So instead the Daleks force the airlock and use the corridors.

I liked the Dalek silently saying "EXTERMINATE" outside the window in the vacuum of space.

Having punctured the hull, the Daleks continue to invade the station, but without the vacuum of space preceding them everywhere.

The Daleks battle the robot of Anne Robinson. Anne Droid has obviously been re-equipped with a gun then, not merely a teleporter anymore. Just think, they could have been zapping all these Daleks, and actually been transporting them all back to their ship. D'oh!

Meanwhile back in the present day, Rose, Mickey and Jackie are eating chips, metaphorically meaning that they, and we, lead valueless lives. From memory:

Mickey: "Have you seen that new pizza place on the main road?"
Jackie: "What does it sell?"
Mickey: "It sells pizza."

Good line, making its point well.

Rose insists that she can't go back to this life again. Can't really blame her there, but I think the Doctor had a better idea when he told her to lead a good life. Surely the message here needed to be that her present-day life on Earth had been enriched by her travels? You know, something we could have taken into our own lives to make them better?

Nah, she just wants to get away from our rubbish life on Earth.

Back on the space-station, the Doctor has a great choice to make – kill everyone on Earth or let the Daleks win. It's like the nuclear retaliation choice. When asked whether he is a killer or a coward, he has a great line "A coward." For those 2 words, like when he said "Nice ears" in episode one, for one brief moment I recognised the Doctor again.

I actually thought he was lying, and was disappointed when it turned out he wasn't. A far better dilemma surely was the danger that, if he killed everyone on Earth and all the Daleks and himself, then there may still be some more Daleks hiding elsewhere, and then they really would have finally won. But neither the Doctor, nor the Daleks, nor apparently the writer thought of that. The worst thing about missing this point, is that it'll be the first thing they think of when they do the next Dalek story. Which proves how obvious it is.

Then, as in Boom Town, everyone is saved by the TARDIS containing the power of God. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. After the Daleks were portrayed as mad for thinking their Emporer Dalek was God, The Doctor and Rose are portrayed as the exact opposite for acting like their TARDIS is. It doesn't flaw every single previous episode back to 1963, and it doesn't make a mockery of all future episodes either. And stone me, the whole of this series now makes perfect sense, Brain. Ah, no, wait a minute…

Rose, back on the space-station, has absorbed the TARDIS’ power, and is now effectively God. She can see everything that has ever happened, everything that is ever going to happen, and everything that ever can happen. She can do anything. She can… well, hang on a second, what would YOU do?

Heal the sick? Revive a dead race? Cure cancer? Get rich quick?

Or would you pick two random words that scare you and send them back in time to tell yourself to do something that you’ve already done anyway?

And when sending this message, would you send it once – clearly - or would you hide it many times in the background of your life, sometimes revealing it to people who are not even you?

Yes, picking a random sign on the wall, Rose sends her younger self the words “bad wolf”.

Hence part one gives us a painful series of flashbacks, labouring the point that the words “bad wolf” have appeared in the background of several earlier episodes this season. (they were scrawled in illegible grafitti, said by a pilot she didn’t meet, mentioned in passing by an alien while she was out of the room, that sort of thing)

Even though they showed us some clips, I still don't fully believe they were ever in the earlier episodes. This writing on this series has repeatedly failed to adhere to itself, so its words now have no currency. Did they specially film these clips? I've got no reason to believe they didn't.

Finally, what was the phrase “bad wolf” supposed to mean? Believe it or not, Rose intended them to be understood as meaning “Use the TARDIS to return to the space-station.” Maybe she should have actually said that, instead of just scaring herself silly, and just plain wasting everyone else's time.

This is exactly why such a great idea as having sinister words following time-travellers around never got me going – I never expected a satisfactory explanation for it from this team. That said, I actually didn't expect one this poor either. Even the line about the words being spread throughout time and space is nonsense because every episode has been set on or just next to Earth. I'm sorry, but this doesn't work on any level at all for me.

Next, with all this god-like power at her disposal, Rose destroys the nearest Daleks, and their spaceships, but apparently leaves the ravaged Earth to its destruction.

With limitless power, Rose also still leaves her dad dead, along with everyone else apart from Jack. He’s the one person she revives, somewhere out of sight.

The Doctor kisses Rose (ya-a-a-a-wn), the excuse being because he had to draw the god-like power out of her and breathe it back into the TARDIS again. (riiiiiiight)

The Doctor, in his brief moment of almighty power, doesn't remember to save his dead people – the ones who so plague his conscience.

Rose doesn’t remember what happened while she was God.

Neither of them remember that Captain Jack even exists. Without even checking if he’s alive or dead, they just leave in the TARDIS. (poor Jack is therefore now alone on a space-station full of corpses)

Then suddenly, without any warning, the Doctor says that he's dying. Why? Because no-one can absorb the TARDIS' god-like power and live. So Rose, who contained it for far longer than he did, must be dying too. Yes, she must. He just said so. Oh, what’s the use, I give up.

In summary, this script resolves everything by having everyone except the regular cast die.

I really wanted to like this series. Everything about it is fine, except for the frangible writing.

I wish the production team success, but it really doesn’t matter how big your budget is, how sexy your actors, how flashy your effects or how proud your publicity.

Without the first thing - a workable story to follow - there’s simply nothing for any of the above to stick to.

AuntieJoanandUncleEric

I have no memory of my grandparents, so I don’t know what it’s like to have one. Gran/Grandpa is a toy that I never got for Christmas, and I've still no idea why all the other kids raved about it.

People tell me that I’ve missed-out, but I don’t feel that way, as I genuinely don’t know what they’re talking about.

Throughout my life though, I’ve had a few aunts and uncles.

The two stalwarts of that position would have to be AuntieJoanandUncleEric. I list them like that, because in our house it’s always been said as just one long word.

They lived in Luton, which when I was young, was an unimaginably long way away. They would represent one of my first instances of recognising people who I hadn’t seen for a long time. From that perspective they contributed to my long memory, and the importance I place upon coming through on the promises I've made.

They took us out around Whipsnade Park Zoo (or Woburn Safari Park), and on a ride in a cable car. Hanging in a shaking cabin above a very green forest was a very long way away from Twickenham.

Another time they came out our way and took us for a boat trip on the River Thames. I was talking to my mum on the boat when she said “Uncle Eric’s looking at you.” So I looked round at him just in time to register him holding his camera in front of his face and depressing the shutter. About 6 months later (in kid-time) a letter arrived, enclosed in which was that very same photograph. Not only had they come all the way to Twickenham, taken us out on the boat, and taken the expensive picture, they had even had the shot developed, and then organised having a REPRINT made, and POSTED it. These were difficult complicated things indeed, but above anything else, they had remembered and followed-through, and now I had a photograph.

Whenever we visited them in Luton, 2 things would happen when we had to leave again. Uncle Eric would look at his watch, and insist upon driving us the unimaginably long distance home, always claiming that it was “just up the road.” After driving us for several days, we would get back home, make him a cup of tea, and then he’d do the second thing. Just as he left to drive all the way back again, he’d press a coin into my hand. It was always alot of money.

The last time I saw them together was in 2002 at my dad’s funeral.

A year later I was in Luton at Uncle Eric’s funeral.

Last year I visited Luton and got to catch-up with Auntie Joan. She was in a wheelchair now, but I saw this as an opportunity to push her home from my cousin’s house, and chat about books. Priceless.

Last Saturday I heard that Auntie Joan had gone to join Uncle Eric.

Trying to imagine Luton without those two in their house makes me wonder what on Earth the point would be of visiting relatives there without dropping in on them. They were the glue that held that entire wing of the family together. Of course it’s not, and never has been, solely about them, but it does demonstrate just how much they will be missed.

Tonight I played the enclosed dedication for her on my show on Hope City Radio. It really is the least I can do.

You can hear my component of it by clicking here.

Making A Career Out Of Making A Career

Job interviews are great, aren’t they?

You go in, you try to act all knowledgable, they try to act all knowledgable, and you usually leave hoping that they believed you, because you completely believed them.

Afterwards, they try to pick the person who they think will be best at the job. Even Christian employers do this, calculating the best candidate from their human wisdom, in spite of 66 books testifying how God always picks someone totally and utterly unqualified. Often they don’t even want God’s job.

I’d like to quote some examples, but you already know them. It’s the same old names cropping up again and again… Moses, Paul, Jonah… yada yada yada.

With CBA work drying up, I’m of course on the look out for alternative employment again.

On the whole, everything I have tried to do in New Zealand has failed, but everything that has happened to me has been blessed.

So looking for a job ought to be simple – just let God.

And yet, there is I think a balance to be struck.

Recently, a prospective employer offered me a permanent full-time job, promising to apply for the relevant Work Permits, Visas etc. I turned them down. That was a hard decision, mainly because I had no specific reason for doing so. It would have been working 5 mornings and 5 evenings a week. It would have been at 2 different locations each day. It would have meant moving again. It wasn’t a job in radio, or Christian ministry.

I would have compromised on some of these, but not all of them. Thanks to my lack of faith though, the stakes appeared high. If this was the only job I got offered, then ultimately I was dooming myself to return home whenever my money/Visa runs out. But I’d prayed about it, and in God’s trademark silence had made what seemed to be the most right decision. No.

I’ve found that whenever God faces me with tough decisions, 100 times in 100, he’ll push the stakes higher and higher, forcing me to make the same tough decision maybe four or five times. What’s that line from The Matrix Revolutions?

Oracle: "Now, since the real test for any choice is having to make the same choice again, knowing full well what it might cost - I guess I feel pretty good about that choice, 'cause here I am, at it again."

So today they offered it to me a second time. And I prayed about it. And for the second time I turned them down.

Strange Light In The Sky Photographed Over Howick

No, it’s not a UFO, nor is it the sun, nor is it a flashbulb reflected in the window. This fiery orb is actually the moon photographed from our flat! Good luck Commander Koenig.

And here’s Auckland Central, as seen by Shane and myself while heading home from church cel-group tonight.

Nothing To See Here

Last Wednesday, after teaching English to Korean mate Chang-Hung, I was on my way home when I decided to take this photograph of myself in Grafton.

As you can see, there was absolutely no terrorist activity behind me whatsoever.

I first encountered the Auckland Sky Tower on March 7th 2004. I subsequently enjoyed a meal up in the revolving restaurant, and lived just next to it for nine months. For someone with so little sense of sense of direction, it was a great landmark by which to find my way home.

Even when I moved to Howick, I was still not quite free of its gaze, so to demonstrate this point, today I took this photo of it, next to the War Memorial at the top of Stockade Hill here in Howick.


Found it yet? (click on the picture to enlarge)

My birthday!

Parachute 06

Nearly two years ago someone gave me the fascinating book Brave, Mad And Memorable by Rob Harley.

Five months later, I found myself at the Family Television Network in Warkworth, where they showed me the edition of Extreme Close-Up that the same author – Rob Harley - had presented about Trevor Yaxley.

A few months after that, Phil of the Christian Broadcasting Association gave me a CD, which was presented by – you guessed it – Mr Harley again.

Without elongating this story too much, I ran into this man’s work again and again, ultimately editing tapes of his sermons for broadcast on national radio, and adapting another of his books - The Power To Go The Distance - for the same purpose.

I always assumed that one day I would meet the man himself, so when I came across a seminar that he was giving at Parachute this year, I took full advantage of the chance to shake his hand and say hello afterwards.


Next, after part-attending two of Wayne Alcorn’s seminars (and a bit of Phil Baker’s), I left the mainstage again to return to the Deluxe, where I was invited up to the stage to be interviewed about my Mozelee t-shirt. Indeed, Mozelee were playing their final gig here this weekend, and I was in the Deluxe to see their lead singer (and my mate from cell group) Marc Hamilton backing another mate from Edge Church – rapper Andy D.

(it was a whole Calling Elijah pre-union)

After that, outside, another guy saw my Mozelee t-shirt and proceeded to offer me some suntan lotion, willingly applying it to my face, arms and shins in front of an amused impromptu audience. We all applauded him!

If at last year’s festival I’d run-into several friends, this year the list was endless. Leaving behind Neville, Alex and Nathan in the Debut tent, I headed up to see the stunt-motorcycle display.

After that I headed down to my old friends at the Rhema and Life FM stands to offer my help again this year, only to find they’d already packed up and gone home. (they must have seen me coming!)


Then, after running into Jack and his family (fortunately not literally), I saw clean comedian Dave Wiggins introduce Hiroshi Nakatsuji, and was disappointed that I had to leave before Jamie came on.

Alas, my mobile was warbling. It was a text message from Tommy - the cab driver I’d befriended that morning.

Hi steve…sitting up top…no rush…came out early traffic will be heavy..cheers tommy
17:11:46

On my way up, a girl passed me and, yes, seeing my Mozelee t-shirt, asked if I knew where the band were right now. This has proved to be a very useful t-shirt, and I remain indebted to old mate Luke Weston from Life fm for giving it to me, even if it was with the words “You are the most fashion-challenged guy I know.”

Back in Hamilton, some Matrix-esque phone-calls to old friend from FTN/Edge City Church Karen enabled us to pool our knowledge of Hamilton city, and rendezvous at the most exclusive restaurant in town, by which I mean the only one open.

Karen: “It’s been a while since I ate a healthy meal.”
Me: “What a shame we’re at Burger King.”

Afterwards I discovered that I’d lost my ANZ wallet, containing all my cards, but recovered it three days later. It was on the coach. Pleasingly, I wasn’t the remotest bit stressed. After all, I know that God is not just in control of everything, but also bearing it all alongside me.


You can hear my radio sketch about Parachute 2006 by clicking here.